Raccoons and Kayaks
The Raccoon has evolved! Researchers at the Cole Lake Institute for Lower Learning report that the Franklin Island coon (a distinct subspecies called coonus smarterthanusus) has figured out how to pry off just about any kayak hatch you can name. There is no hope, all you can do is to listen to me -and if that doesn’t work, please send money anyway.
Tim’s Multiple Coon Tips (yer gittin yer money’s worth this month, let me tell you)
Tip #1
Camp where there are no coons. This will require a special “Coon Seeker” sold exclusively at White Squall for $395.
Tip #2
Don’t leave anything remotely smelly in cockpit/pfd (that includes your stinky neoprene socks, though why a coon would be interested in them is beyond me)
Tip #3
Where possible, use a bulkheaded area that has a hardshell hatch. Strap and rope it down with everything you’ve got, and top it off with pots and pans so you can hear the “Break & Entering” going down and arrest them for unlawful entry.
Tip #4
Use hermetically sealed containers with combination locks and as soon as you’ve memorized the combo, eat the piece of paper so the coons can’t read it!
Tip #5
Consider donating to RWB (Raccoons Without Borders) and they may cut you some slack
Tip #6
Hang your food. I know what you’re thinking - “trees? trees? there ain’t no stinkin’ trees!”
Tip #7
Okay, so don’t hang your food!
Tip #8
Put your food in a designated kayak (preferably not yours) and anchor it offshore. Take into account the concept of swimming coons, rogue waves and anchors that let go in the middle of the night.
Tip #9
Just bring beer and forget the food.
Tip #10
Purchase these ten tips printed on recycled paper for $29.95 and we’ll throw in a bear bell for no extra charge. You can tie this on to a stick near your campsite and ring it upon arrival. This will notify the coons that you’re here.
If you are still reading this, go get raided by coons, it’s not quite so bad.
Peace Out…tim
May 28th, 2008 at 10:58 am
You’ve completely lost it this time Tim - were the black flies driving you crazy when you wrote this?
some good points to ponder when storing your food on a kayak trip however…
graham